Talk To a 5-Year-Old When You Feel Your Friendship Isn’t The Same Anymore.
And here is why…
Friendship is the first relation one starts by oneself. And it always remains as pristine as the day it was born. If not, then it’s not friendship.
Remember in childhood when you befriended someone? What were you thinking back then? What was the conscious thought process you had while approaching for friendship? Was it because he was rich? Or had more toys than you did? Or was better than you and helped you? Or anything else?
Well,what was it?
You befriended him because you enjoyed their company. Actually, crediting a single reason would be wrong. You and I and all the other people out there do not know why we befriended someone. How we made someone our best friend? What chain of thoughts and decisions did we take to give them the title of a ‘bestie’. We just did. And it was not a very well thought-of decision. It was a simple choice that we made. Like all the other choices of our childhood.
And we worked on it. And that’s what made it different from the other choices.
Recount your experiences and try to think out why you befriended, let’s say your best pal. I’m sure you wouldn’t find any concrete answer to it. You may say ‘I liked his company’ or ‘He was like me. We just clicked’ or any of the hundreds of reasons you can think of.
But deep down you know you wanted to be their friend and thus you extended your heart. Simple!
It is said that a friendship that lasts more than 7 years lasts for a lifetime. I cannot assert the veracity of this statement but it has been true in my case. But as I write, I also realize that it was not the time limit but the efforts we put in to remain friends. The nurturing our bond received. Sure, we had fights, we ruined each others expectations, broke each others heart, but we continued to stay with each other. We never let the other feel lonely.
We worked on it. We worked on our friendship. We worked on the choice we made.
And then life happened. We started to grow up. Get an individual personality and stem our feet firmly on the ground. And things stopped being the way they were. We shifted to different cities. Then made new friends. New relations. Fell in love. Broke our hearts. Tasted a slice of life. And stopped being in touch the way we were. No more hanging out every evening. No more coming over for lunches. No more ‘i’ll be there in a minute.’
Did we stop being friends? Did our friendship change?
Well, no. We realized that friendship doesn’t mean that you be in touch always. That you do everything together. That you have each others back always. That you grow together. No it doesn’t. It never did. Go back to your childhood and think. Was it always like this? Did you always do everything together? Did you always have some experience together? Did you always have each others’ back? Did you always grow together?
Trust me you didn’t. For if you did then you would never have anecdotes to share. You would never have stories of how you helped them get out of any situation. You would never have to praise about any of their qualities or have complaints either. You would never have any escapades to tease.
And you would never know them the way you do now.
You would never see the world in a different light. You would never grow the way you did. You would never have an individual personality: one that defines you and has been carved out of you.
So why, as adults, do we have a singular complaint that ‘our friendship isn’t the same anymore’ and when asked as to why, we have the same reply ‘they changed. Life happened.’?
Why make it a big deal now? Why after becoming adults do we lose the simplicity of our own childhood? Why is it their fault that they didn’t remain in touch? Or they went to another town? Or they made new friends? Why do we now say that our friendship broke because we changed? They, just like us, have every right to grow up. Be a better person. Be someone they were meant to be. And you, of all people should respect and embrace it. For you are their friend and that’s what friends do.
A friend always embraces you for what you are and not what you’re ‘supposed to be’ in front of them.
Things change. People change. But what stays unchanged is the bond. Here it is friendship. Even when you scored more than him he never left you. Even when he did well in sports he never left you. Even when you shouted, hurt, and left him he never complained. So why now do you think that your friendship is over? Or it’s not the same?
Whenever you feel like this, always look at a child and see how he would deal with it. I read somewhere that talking to a five year old is perhaps the best way to sort out the mess in life. So do it. See how you, as a child, dealt with such situations? You never gave up. You fought, then tried a 100 times to be with your friend. And then you fought again. All you knew was to be with him. Even if it was for a day, a weekend. You just wanted to be friends. It was that simple. It is still that simple. And it will always be this simple.
You had no expectations. Why keep one now?
